


Love is where this begins

by Florchis



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Episode: s01e06 FZZT, F/M, Missing Scene, POV Leo Fitz, Post-Episode: s01e06 FZZT, Pre-Relationship, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-27 16:13:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10812468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Florchis/pseuds/Florchis
Summary: After the events of FZZT, Fitz can't sleep when Jemma decides to pay him another visit.





	Love is where this begins

**Author's Note:**

> From a tumblr prompt: “Go back to sleep.” Title from "Best friend" by Jason Mraz, because I am who I am.

He is not surprised when the door opens, and he hears her- even though she is trying to be as quiet as possible- crawling into his bed and under his covers. 

He is not surprised because Jemma Simmons has a bad habit of getting inside his bed at ungodly hours and pretending that nothing out of the norm is going on. They have played this game together so many times before: after their graduation at the Academy, after they failed their field assessment, their first night together at SciOps, the night they got assigned at Coulson’s unit. To be completely honest, Fitz loves it- has loved it even since _ before:  _ waking up with her wrapped up in his arms, his bed smelling of her for days to come, the notion that she comes to him because with him she feels safe and sane. And because he loves it, until now he has always complied to her game of pretending: he didn’t want to risk the end of it because he had talked too much.

“Jemma?”

“Shhh, Fitz. Go back to sleep.”

But he can’t pretend tonight, with Jemma still smelling like sea and like fear and like too many hours in the lab, despite having taken enough showers to last her a month. He can’t pretend tonight, with his head still hurting where she hit him with the fire extinguisher, and his heart still hurting because it had to contemplate the possibility of a life without her. (He doesn’t think about how his first instinct after being confronted with that idea was jumping from a plane not far behind her. He doesn’t have the energy for that tonight.)

“No.”

Maybe she is terribly exhausted, or maybe she just can sense his determination, because she doesn’t fight him when he turns around so they are face to face. They look at each other for a long while under the dim light that comes from the hallway, and Fitz wonders if she is feeling the same relief he is at the possibility of still having this, this normalcy and the strong appreciation for everything they have taken for granted until today.

“You don’t usually call me Jemma.” Her voice is small but not scared, just careful of the atmosphere of closeness they have going.

No, it’s true, he doesn’t. Because calling her Simmons used to help him pretend. Now, he can’t pretend anymore.

“You don’t usually almost die.”

It’s a bold statement, but Jemma only nods slightly.

“Why weren’t you sleeping?”

He would usually tease her with a _ curiosity killed the cat, you know  _ comment of sorts, but he can’t tonight, because,  _ well. _ He feels a strange urge of being completely honest with her, and he knows it’s because of that stretch of time while he feared he would never get another chance. He could fight it while all the lights were on and they were _ seating  _ on his bed, but he can’t do it while they are lying side by side together, so close that he could kiss her without even stretching his neck if he wanted. _ If he dared. _

“I can not stop thinking about-”

“-yeah, I know. Me too.”

His hands are trembling, but only in that moment he thinks that not matter how traumatic this whole experience has been for him- it could has only been ten, _ a hundred  _ times worse for her.

_ “Jemma.” _

Her name is a small gift shared between them, a talisman only reserved for important moments like this one, when he is trying to convey to her all these feelings and all this gratitude and all his empathy, and she might feel something of that, because just hearing him say her name breaks a dam inside her. She bursts into tears, and Fitz rushes to hold her in his arms. It’s painful to see her so distressed, but at the same time is good to know that she can let go a little, that she has a moment and a place where she feels safe enough to allow herself to be broken.

“It’s funny, because there is no point in being scared now, but before I didn’t even have the time to process fear, and now… now is like my body is feeling all these things at once.”

He doesn’t have a reply to that, so he just tightens his hold on her. She feels so small and so fragile on his arms, and it twists something inside him; he _ knows  _ that she is strong, and the discrepancy between what he feels and what he knows throws him off balance. He is used to always having to stay alert in his decade-long relationship with Jemma Simmons, because he can be surprised at any minute, and sometimes it’s a pleasant experience, but sometimes it’s a  painful one.  

“Sorry I’m bothering you, though.”

It’s the first time she has acknowledged this thing they do as something unusual, something in which she plays an active part, and he stumbles a little through his reply, because he doesn’t want her to feel like he doesn’t want it, but he also can’t pretend that nothing is going on.

“It’s no bother. It’s not like I could sleep with you so far away, anyway.”

There is a question there that she could ask, but she doesn’t ask it. Fitz is not sure if she doesn’t because she doesn’t dare or because she doesn’t need to. Until she speaks again, she is silent for so long, and her breathing becomes so regular that Fitz believes she has fallen asleep. 

“I know.”

Does she? Does she know about the feelings that bursted out when he found that glass wall separating them, does she know about his chest being flooded with love and ache and longing? Does she know that the warmth of her skin makes him tremble, that he didn’t stop seeing her as his best friend, just that his perspective has been expanded with a lot of frightening and wonderful new possibilities?

It doesn’t matter if she knows about what he is feeling, because everything is about her tonight, everything is about cherishing the fact that she is still alive, still resilient, still Jemma Simmons, and not about his inconvenient epiphanies. 

“Stay?”   

Ask her is the only selfish thing he allows himself to do, and when she answers he is glad he did it, because he can’t see her face, but he can hear the smile on her voice, and to still be able to make her smile is something worth everything to him. 

  
“Always.”


End file.
